I have been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. In 2023, my anxiety started to become unbearable. After being maxed out on my current medication, I had to make a switch. In the process of weaning off that medication, I began to have panic attacks and developed a stutter.
It felt like a huge disconnect between my mind and body. The most minor thing would send me into a []downward spiral of anxiety and self-doubt.
In August, an email asking me to come to work for a meeting before school started sent me off the edge. At that point, people had been telling me about LENS for years, but I never felt like it was something I needed or that even worked. I was at my breaking point and decided to do something because I could not continue in my mind’s state. I was not in a headspace to be a good wife or mother.
I had my first appointment at the end of August, and I could not believe what an absolute mess my brain was. But seeing everything on a screen made it make sense; the anxiety, depression, my inability to focus on simple tasks, and my short temper for any minor inconvenience all displayed on the screen. I had about four sessions before I started to see any significant changes.
The turning point for me is what I refer to as “Chickengate.” Each Sunday, I would prepare my meals for the week, and this day, I just so happened to accidentally leave the gate to the kitchen open like I had many times before. Our dog Marvel got into my lunch on the counter cooling and ate all my chicken. Anytime this had happened previously, I would have lost my marbles and had a meltdown. I didn’t.
My husband was fully prepared for me to lose my mind about the dog eating my chicken when he said, “What is wrong with you? Any other time you’d have a meltdown that now you don’t have lunch or need to make more chicken? I said, “that’s why I’m doing LENS!”
From there, the changes became more noticeable. I started to thrive rather than survive. I am happier; I do not snap over little things, which is enormous for our home’s atmosphere. My husband and kids are getting a better version of me than who I had been in the past.
My self-confidence has bloomed and flourished. I have the confidence to try new things like running 5K’s and a half marathon. I used to be the kind of person who would let other people’s words tear me down and make me feel unworthy, unimportant, and incapable. I value myself enough now not to let irrelevant opinions of me affect my life. I have learned to communicate my feelings rather than bottling them up, setting a positive example for my children and husband. I stopped procrastinating on things I’ve wanted to do for a long time, like returning to college.
Before, I would have just talked about it but never made the leap. In December, I applied and was accepted into Oswego State. I just finished my first semester with a 3.83 GPA. I have learned how to manage my stress and to listen to my body when I need a break. Whenever I think I will have a setback, I can push myself forward instead of returning to the road of self-doubt without much effort.
Taking care of myself is a priority. I am finally proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished. I never thought I deserved anything, including my kids, husband, house, and job. I didn’t believe I deserved happiness, success, or even love. I was a shell of a human before LENS. I no longer need depression medication, and I am on the lowest dose of anxiety medication.
LENS didn’t change my life, but it allowed me to make the change for myself.
I will forever be grateful for that. I can’t thank Cassie and Renewed Vitality enough for opening the door for me to discover my true potential.
– Jerrica Conners